The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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