Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
