I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
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Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My breasts were aching with rage.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I had to cum in my sink.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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