Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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