when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
