oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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