I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
