I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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