i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
