If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
