super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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