He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
