I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
now i know why i became what i already was.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Randomize
