I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
