Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
