we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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