when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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