I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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