I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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