I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
