i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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