so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
