true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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