dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
