If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
