I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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