Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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