He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
