Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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