I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
