from now on my penis is your penis
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize