Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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