I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
