Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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