Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
