Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
