My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
