I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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