No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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