Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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