Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
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my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
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I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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