Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
