my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
