he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
