Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
