rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Are we still banned from the library?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
