Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My dick has a subreddit
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
