make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
