Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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