i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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