Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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