i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
