Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
