3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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