you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
