wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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