Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
