i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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