Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
