So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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