I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
