You work out of a Hotel?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
