He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
