We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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