I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize