Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
