put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
