ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
