that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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