I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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