I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
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Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
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