he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
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I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
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In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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