I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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