Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
