I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
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My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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