Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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