so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
