i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
