Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
