I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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