Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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