Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
