i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
