I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
