Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
