You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Randomize
