...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Randomize
