Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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